Divorce isn’t easy. At times the divorce process can be emotionally devastating and life-altering. Although divorce isn’t easy – it doesn’t need to be dirty.
DO THE FOLLOWING, IF YOU WANT A CLEAN DIVORCE
What to do during divorce in New Mexico
COME TO TERMS WITH ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO LAW
New Mexico has clear laws regarding community property and how assets and debts are distributed. Child support will be calculated according to specific laws and the New Mexico child support guidelines.
Alimony/spousal support will be determined based on a number of factors that judges follow, including: (1) Length of marriage, (2) Need, (3) Ability to pay. A spouse can request interim support, which is effectively spousal support while the divorce is pending.
You may not believe that New Mexico law is morally fair or right – but that feeling does not change New Mexico law. Understanding and accepting New Mexico law will help you avoid unnecessary anger, stress, and variety of negative emotions.
EMBRACE THE FACT THAT NEW MEXICO IS A NO-FAULT STATE
New Mexico is a no-fault state which means that either party can move forward towards a divorce for any reason. Generally, the stated reason is incompatibility or irreconcilable differences. Incompatibility is sufficient grounds for divorce in New Mexico.
The reason for the divorce does not impact assets/debts, alimony, or child support. Unfortunately, your spouse may be requesting a divorce for a reason that is morally wrong, but will still be entitled to the same portion of community property, alimony, or child support.
The reason for the divorce can impact child custody and timesharing if the underlying reason affects the parent’s ability to provide care and impacts the child’s best interests. Otherwise, fault has no place in New Mexico divorce law.
DITCH THE EXCESSIVE ANGER
Don’t get me wrong — I’m no Gandhi. I’m not meditating under a bonsai tree while writing these words. But I have seen excessive anger lead to poor decisions that makes the divorce dirty. Excessive anger can cause:
- Bad financial decisions that complicates the divorce;
- An order of protection being entered that dirties the divorce;
- Domestic violence and other legal issues that can adversely affect one’s custody case;
- The angry party hotheadedly charging into court where the divorce should have been resolved at facilitation.
BE ORGANIZED AND PREPARED
Get familiarized with your assets and debts if you feel that divorce is looming. The dark cloud of divorce signals a time to check your accounts and balances by:
- Running a free credit report with Experian;
- Familiarizing yourself with your online accounts;
- Actively monitoring your accounts; and
- Watching for unusual spikes in credit card debt or sudden transfers of money.
It’s always better to know what is going on with your accounts. Walking blindly into a divorce can cause unnecessary discovery fees. Not having an accurate picture of your financial picture can also make the divorce process feel dirtier, ultimately staining the process.
TALK TO A LAWYER BEFORE THE DIVORCE PROCESS BEGINS
Is your relationship on the rocks and the prospect of divorce is in the air? If so, talk to a lawyer immediately. Talking to an experienced lawyer before the divorce will enable you to take action to strengthen your case.
A successful athlete doesn’t wait until game day to start preparing. A successful athlete puts in the necessary leg-work before game day. Think about your divorce as game day – and take the proper actions now to set yourself up for success.
DON’T DO THE FOLLOWING, IF YOU WANT A CLEAN DIVORCE
What not to do during a divorce in Albuquerque New Mexico
DON’T GET AGGRESSIVE — UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET HIT WITH A RESTRAINING ORDER
Don’t send harassing text messages.
Don’t insult your spouse.
Never touch your spouse in a rude or insolent way.
Never throw any objects at your spouse.
Never threaten self-harm or harm to others.
By getting aggressive with your spouse, you are opening the door to domestic violence charges, or an order of protection being entered. Domestic violence and/or order of protection can result in your spouse being granted temporary custody, which follows you through your divorce and beyond.
DON’T SELF-MEDICATE WITH DRUGS OR ALCOHOL
Divorce is never a good time to self-medicate. This is especially true when children are involved.
Divorce is most certainly not a time to self-medicate with alcohol when you have a history of alcohol related offenses, or domestic violence issues.
Albuquerque New Mexico courts are becoming increasingly sensitive about alcohol abuse. The fact that alcohol is legal does not mean that your judge will be okay with abusive levels of alcohol consumption. Are you a heavy drinker? If so, you should be aware of the following:
- The court can monitor your alcohol consumption levels;
- There is a PEth test that can test your levels of alcohol consumption over a period of about 21 days;
- A positive result on your PEth test can negatively impact your custody case; and
- A high, positive result on your PEth test can negatively impact your divorce case, requiring you to complete an alcohol assessment and following all recommendations.
DON’T FIGHT YOUR LAWYER
Don’t fight your lawyer over New Mexico law. Whether wrong or right – it is exceedingly difficult for your lawyer to change New Mexico law. Even if changing the law is possible – it will take years and cost thousands of dollars in the process.
Don’t fight your lawyer about requested discovery. Your spouse is entitled to certain financial information, under the civil rules of procedure. Fighting your lawyer about requested discovery is like banging your head against a wall and being billed for the time that it took to inflict the pain. If your spouse is entitled to the requested information under the civil rules of procedure, then refusing to provide the information will make your case unnecessarily dirty, drawn out, and expensive.
Don’t passive-aggressively fight your lawyer in the following ways:
- Not responding to emails;
- Not providing important updates;
- Showing up to court late; or
- Failing to mention key facts such as substance abuse issues, arrest history, or domestic violence.
You may not agree with New Mexico law on a particular issue. Your lawyer might also share your feelings about the specific law or your judge’s preference on a given issue. Don’t shoot the messenger, by fighting with your lawyer. Fighting your lawyer about New Mexico law on a given issue can lead to a dirty divorce.
DON’T LISTEN TO FUZZY/UNIFORMED ADVICE AND COMPARISONS
Your friends may mean well by giving you legal advice, but they probably are not lawyers and have no idea what they are talking about.
Your friend may be an excellent person, mechanic, father, or mother. Your friend may be the smartest, funniest, and most talented person in the room. Despite all of these amazing qualities — your friend may be clueless about how your particular judge generally rules on community property, support issues, or custody and time-sharing.
Each divorce is unique. Comparing two divorces or custody cases is often like comparing apples with oranges. Your friend or family member may have the best of intentions when comparing your situation to your cousin Sue’s case and outcome — when legally the cases are apples and oranges.
Friends and family with the best of intentions can cause unnecessary rumination and stress. Don’t ask your family lawyer for advice on your transmission and carburetor issue — especially if that family lawyer is me. Likewise, it’s a bad idea to ask a mechanic/friend/family for advice on your unique legal issue.
DON’T ESTABLISH WEAK TIME-SHARING WHEN YOU SEPARATE
The time-sharing that you establish from the date of separation can haunt you after divorce.
Don’t immediately leave the marital residence and establish a weak time-sharing schedule. Try to establish your ideal time-sharing from date of separation.
The every-other weekend schedule that you establish when moving out of the home will follow you through the divorce. The time-sharing that you establish from separation becomes the “status quo” that builds momentum over time. The status quo can heavily influence your judge regarding the appropriate system of time-sharing if you and your ex are unable to reach an amicable agreement.
(505) SANCHEZ IS HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF DIVORCE IN ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO
Do you still have questions about the do’s and don’ts of divorce in Albuquerque, New Mexico? Avoiding a dirty divorce often requires the experienced hand and knowledge that comes with years of courtroom practice. Matthew Legan Sanchez has the experience needed to handle your unique case and guide you through the do’s and don’ts of divorce in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Sanchez can be reached by calling (505) SANCHEZ.
The do’s and don’ts of divorce in New Mexico
