Tips to Reduce Conflict and Fights During Divorce

Are you wondering how to reduce conflict and fights during divorce in New Mexico? Divorce is an emotional, stressful, and difficult stage in life. The divorce process is usually not a happy time in one’s life that is filled with thanksgiving and joy. Although divorce is not fun, there are ways to reduce the conflict and fights during divorce.

Here are five ways to reduce conflict and fights during divorce in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

TALK TO AN EXPERIENCED FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY BEFORE MAKING THREATS AND DEMANDS

Clients often come to me after a case has been opened and threats and demands have been made regarding a legal issue. Often these demands and threats involve self-serving interpretations of New Mexico law that do not reflect the reality of NM law and the court or assigned judge’s general practice.

At times, a potential client will threaten to “get a lawyer and file a motion” for weeks, putting the other party on notice of the possible litigation. During this time, something negative may happen in the potential client’s home. Sometimes, the other party will seize the moment and file a restraining order, contact CYFD, or file an Emergency Motion – sensing that litigation is looming.

Other times, either side may make unreasonable demands that are not based what one would receive in court. These demands and threats can cause conflict and tension between the parties to build, potentially boiling to the point where mediation is no longer possible, and an expensive legal process is created.

Before you make threats or demands, speak with an experienced family law attorney about what to expect based on your unique facts. Is your ex making threats or demands? If so, put down your iPhone and disengage in the uninformed, back-and-forth arguments. Instead, pick up your phone and talk with an experienced family law attorney about your situation, and the best way to move forward to achieve your goals.

TREAT YOUR TEXTS AND EMAILS LIKE AN EXHIBIT THAT IS BEING JUDGED

Text messages and emails are routinely used in custody cases to demonstrate abuse or harassment. Despite this fact, I often speak with potential clients that are standing on the edge of litigation but are sending offensive or insulting text messages.

What you say can and will be used against you. What you write in a text message may cause your assigned judge or hearing officer to view you as the unreasonable party and source of conflict. This perception could negatively impact your case and follow you like the Peanuts character with a cloud of dust.

Assume that every written message that you send will be read by your judge when litigation looms. You should pay particularly close attention to your written messages when you or the other party is threatening to file a motion.

Never send insulting, threatening, or offensive messages when your marriage or relationship is approaching the end of the road. Assume that all your communications will be read, judged, and ultimately will impact your judge’s perception of you and your case.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN ANY FORM WILL HURT YOUR CASE — HOW TO REDUCE CONFLICT AND FIGHTS DURING DIVORCE

Domestic violence can destroy your custody and timesharing case. Domestic violence can also lead to your current custody or timesharing order being modified based on a material change in circumstance.

Are you going through a custody matter? If so, you should always avoid:

Anger, insults, harassment, threat;
Angry or aggressive touching;
Suicidal statements;
Damaging property; and
Abuse of any nature.

Any of these forms of domestic violence could lead to the following:

Are you nearing the end of your marriage or relationship? If so, you should interact with your partner or spouse like you are inside a bubble that prevents any form of abuse from taking place. Abuse of any nature can destroy your ability to achieve your custody or timesharing goals.

HIGH CONFLICT EQUALS HIGHER EXPENSE

Potential clients often come to me and want to ensure that I am aggressive and will fight for their cause. Shortly after checking my aggressiveness, they will then mention that they want their case resolved at the lowest cost . These questions are ironic because high conflict usually equals higher expense.

High conflict usually involves the following:

Restraining orders;
CYFD involvement;
Supervised visits or exchanges;
Potentially unnecessary motions;
Potentially excessive discovery process;
Potential GAL or 11-706 child custody expert;
Our Family Wizard or other paid communication service with tone monitor.

There are times when conflict and aggressiveness are unavoidable. There are times when a motion must be filed to address a legal issue, or an ex’s refusal to follow orders. However, at times conflict can be avoided. At times, a divorce or custody agreement can be reached without unnecessary litigation or experts becoming involved with the process.

Before gearing up for a high conflict case, remember that conflict usually equals expense. More conflict, more expense.

LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS

There is a popular saying that parents sometimes make on prom night to eager high schoolers: “Leave room for Jesus.”

This saying could just as easily involve Buddha, Allah, the Universe, or your sweet grandma, depending on your beliefs. Basically the saying means to leave room between you and the other person.

For our purposes today, let us use your sweet grandma as the measuring stick. “Leave enough room for your grandma” when dealing with your ex, or soon to be ex. Imagine that your sweet grandma is hovering over your interactions.

Would you send the insulting text that you are about to send, with your grandma looking over your shoulder?

Would you scream and break property with your grandma sitting next to you?

Would you push your spouse, or act aggressively if grandma were nearby?

When your marriage is on the rocks, make sure that you “Leave enough room for your grandma.” Leaving room for grandma will ensure that you are not taking emotional actions that will hurt your case and ultimate goals.

(505) SANCHEZ HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND HOW TO REDUCE CONFLICT AND FIGHTS DURING DIVORCE IN ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO

Do you have questions about how to reduce conflict and fights during divorce in Albuquerque, New Mexico? Interacting with your ex often is not a fun process, but you can control the interaction and outcome. Are you seeking legal advice or assistance in New Mexico? Matthew Legan Sanchez is one of the best New Mexico divorce and custody lawyers. Sanchez can help you reduce conflict and fights during divorce in Bernalillo, Sandoval, Santa Fe, or Valencia County in New Mexico. For more information about your NM divorce call (505) SANCHEZ.