This probably won’t be a popular concept – but so it goes. Sometimes fathers and mothers can be their child custody case’s worst enemy.
At times, pointing a finger is easier than looking in the mirror.
Sometimes it’s easier to blame others than to engage in honest, self-reflection.
This concept also applies to child custody cases.
For instance, sometimes parents blame others instead of analyzing their actions.
With some child custody cases, parents don’t get their desired outcome. For example, a parent may request 50-50 visitation. Instead, the parent may receive every-other weekend, or limited time.
In other words, the parent’s goals are not achieved.
When this happens, the parent may blame the judge. In other cases, the parent may blame the other parent, attorney, or court system.
With that said, sometimes a parent’s actions — or lack of action — creates the poor outcome.
Let’s talk about the top five ways that mothers and fathers can be their child custody case’s worst enemy.
Do you and your ex have a rocky relationship? Is a once amicable co-parenting situation turning sour?
Otherwise, is your marriage on the rocks? For instance, do drugs or alcohol play a major role in the looming divorce?
In either scenario, past drug or alcohol issues can become future custody issues. In other words, drug or alcohol issues in the home often become issues in court.
Family court judges take allegations of drug or alcohol abuse seriously. Your judge’s concern increases when criminal arrests, CYD involvement, domestic violence, or mental health issues are present.
With that said, it’s time for honest, self-reflection about your drug or alcohol use. For several reasons, denial is a bad strategy in family court.Honesty and treatment are a much better route than outright denial. You see, claims of alcohol abuse are usually met with a PEth test.
Moreover, judges often confront drug allegations with a required six-month hair follicle test. This goes for both mothers and fathers. In other words, the judge’s concern about drug use isn’t limited to fathers or mothers.
Instead, judges are concerned about drug or alcohol abuse regardless of a parent’s gender. This goes for both male and female judges.
Moral of the story – be honest with yourself about drug or alcohol problems when a custody case looms. Admitting and correcting a problem is a better strategy than denial and finger-pointing.
It’s easy to deny a problem and then point-fingers. The first step towards correcting an addiction issue is admitting that you have a problem and seeking assistance.
Unfortunately, the first step is often the hardest.
It’s never a good time for domestic violence. This is especially true when a potential child custody case looms.
You see, domestic violence during a separation or divorce significantly impacts child custody and visitation. Moreover, domestic violence coupled with drug or alcohol abuse can quickly sink your custody case.
At times, domestic violence allegations arise when a divorce or separation hovers in the distance. These accusations may be strategically raised to gain an advantage in the child custody case.
Sometimes allegations of family violence are used to get a restraining order. When granted, the restraining order of protection can grant one parent sole legal custody. In other situations, the restraining order may require supervised visitation.
Moving forward, the restraining order can create a status-quo that influences future visitation.
Is your marriage or relationship on the edge? If so, are children involved? In this case, you need to avoid any actions that could be considered abusive.
In doing so, do not:
These actions can quickly sink your child custody case. This applies especially when there are allegations of criminal arrest history, drug/alcohol abuse, or mental health issues.
In doing so, your actions could create a status-quo, or momentum, that is hard to break.
Breakups and divorce usually involve varying levels of negative emotions. Putting it differently, most happy relationships usually do not end with divorce or separation.
It’s normal for a breakup to involve anger, hurt, or negative feelings. However, this becomes a problem when the negative feelings are documented through text or email exchanges.
Moreover, this becomes especially problematic when negative feelings are expressed through insults or threats.
With that said, threats and insults also vary. The insults may be mild and minor. On the extreme, the threats and insults may become abusive.
On the abusive end, the messages can become abusive. When this happens, the messages may warrant a restraining order of protection being entered. In turn, when children are involved, the restraining order can linger and haunt the ongoing custody case.
At a minimum, insulting messages can cause your judge to view one parent as being unreasonable. Moving forward, this perception can influence the court’s feelings about the child’s best interests.
This equally applies to mothers and fathers.
You have control over your communications. What’s more, you have control over threatening or insulting messages.
Do not send threatening or insulting messages. Your messages may be considered abusive. At a minimum, your negative communications can cause your judge to see you in a negative light. Either way, your messages can hurt your custody case.
Do not become your own worst enemy.
Never send threatening or insulting messages when a child custody case is near.
After a separation or breakup, sometimes one parent calls the shots regarding visitation. In doing so, the parent may severely limit or prevent communication or visitation.
In these situations, police do not become involved with custody disputes.
Most importantly, the visitation schedule that forms after the separation becomes the status quo. The longer that this status quo takes place, the harder that it can be to change.
Therefore, it is essential to immediately open a custody case when the other parent is limiting or denying visitation. The longer you wait to file – the harder it will be to change the status quo that is being created.
Judges are heavily influenced by status quo.
This is particularly true with temporary orders. Routinely, temporary visitation orders are provided until the court can gather more information.
The court can gather more information through:
It often takes 3 to 6 months for the court to gather information to determine a “permanent” visitation schedule. Sometimes longer.
Is your ex limiting or denying visitation or communication with your child? If yes, you need to immediately file and request visitation.
Act immediately. Failing to act establishes a status quo. In turn, this status quo can be hard to change.
Sometimes, fathers and mothers walk into court unprepared. Parents may be unprepared by:
First, it is essential for parents to speak with an experienced child custody lawyer.
An experienced custody lawyer knows your judge’s preference and policies. Moreover, a seasoned attorney can help you identify and correct problem areas.
Otherwise, walking into court unprepared is like walking into a legal landmine. Based on your unique judge, this avoidable legal landmine can explode. This explosion can create smoke that lingers and negatively influences your case.
Are all judges perfect? Of court not.
Are all judges created equally? Nope.
Do all judges have the same patience, experience, and personality. Negative.
Judges are human. Humans aren’t perfect.
Humans have different preferences and personalities.
With that said, you can take proactive action. You can take steps to identify problems and improve your case.
Proactive action is better than reactive finger pointing. In other words, it is easier to deny problems and blindly walk into court.
Unfortunately, this path often backfires and can have long-lasting consequences.
This negative result can cause parents to believe that:
The family court system is not perfect.
However, you can improve your case and chances for success through proactive action.
Proactive action is a better strategy than reactive finger pointing.
Act now. Look in the mirror and admit problem areas. Moving forward, take steps to correct those problems.
Avoid self-destructive actions that hurt your case.
Speak with an experienced child custody attorney. Consider parenting classes, therapy, or counseling to strengthen your case.
Are you a father or mother that is searching for a top Albuquerque child custody attorney? If so, you have found the right legal team.
For over a decade, Sanchez has fought for mothers and fathers across New Mexico.
Talk with a trusted New Mexico child custody attorney.
Talk with (505) SANCHEZ.
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