Behaviors that Hurt Your Child Custody and Divorce Case in Albuquerque, New Mexico

 

Without realizing it, you might be engaging in behaviors that hurt your child custody and divorce case in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

There’s a scene at the end of Fight Club where the bland and listless character named Jack suddenly realizes that he is one and the same with the vibrant and charismatic, Tyler Durden. This twist ending hits home the reality that Tyler Durden was actually fighting himself throughout the story.

Similar to Fight Club, in Family Law cases, often the actions that one takes in an attempt to harm the opposing party is actually hurting one’s case and interests.

I am Jack’s smirking revenge gone awry.

Here are the Top Ten ways that actions aimed at the other party can boomerang, hurting your case.

 

10.     Bad mouthing the other parent

 

You don’t like your ex – that’s understandable.   You believe that your ex is a clear example of a (*insert DSM V psychological disorder here*) – I get it.  Even though I understand your frustration, heed the enlightened words of Thumper from Bambi: “If you can’t say something nice [about your ex], don’t say nothing at all.”  Indeed.

Bad mouthing a co-parent affects a child’s self-esteem and self-image because it causes the child to associate part of them as being inherently bad.  Bad mouthing a co-parent causes a child to normalize conflict and negativity in relationships – demonstrating to the child that it is normal to speak negatively about family, friends, and loved ones.  This belief, in turn, can affect a child’s future relationships and ability to have a well-adjusted relationship based on love and respect.

The next time that you are thinking about bad-mouthing a co-parent, think about the psychological effect that these inflamed words are having on your child.

 

9.     Buying lavish, luxury items after the separation

 

Separations and divorces are routinely ranked as one of the most stressful and life-altering life events.  Divorces are tough.  At times, one party to the divorce tries to “find themselves” after a separation by making a big ticket purchase, such as a new, upgraded car.

There are many problems with making big purchases after the divorce.  First, the purchase is one’s separate debt.  Next, it’s never a prudent choice to make impulse purchases when emotions are flaring – and nothing stirs emotions like a separation or divorce.  Most importantly, big purchases can be used by the other side to argue that one has more income than reported.  In this vein, one’s argument for lowering potential child support or alimony payments loses much credibility after one has recently purchased an expensive, luxury vehicle that is outside of one’s claimed income bracket.

Purchasing expensive, luxury items before the dust settles on your divorce case is always a bad idea. Think twice before making an impulse purchase to make your ex jealous — you are only hurting your financial interests.

 

8.     Acting aggressively with new partners

 

Over time, most people involved with a separation or divorce find new partners.  Seeing an ex-spouse with a new partner can be painful.  Nevertheless, acting aggressively towards the new partner has the ability to back-fire on one’s time-sharing/child custody case, by demonstrating anger issues, abusive tendencies, or demonstrating to the judge instability or unreasonableness.

Outside of the family law context, these actions could also form the basis for a criminal charge, or a civil restraining order being filed.

Acting aggressively with new partners is a lose-lose situation – even if you win the fight, you lose the war.

 

7.     Pretending that the case doesn’t exist

 

New Mexico is a no fault state and either party can unilaterally move forward for a divorce, or to establish parental rights.

Despite this fact, at times one party to the case refuses to accept the reality of a divorce or separation.  In turn, this party might refuse to acknowledge the case and the legal need to respond accordingly.  Bad idea.  One’s failure to respond to a pending case – filing the appropriate response or appearing in court – routinely results in judgement being entered against the absent party.

These default judgments have the ability to award one side with an award that exceeds general practice or New Mexico law.

Pretending that your case doesn’t exist leads to the reality of an adverse court order being created.

 

6.     Not following court orders

 

A controlling or manipulative spouse can experience a sense of lost power and/or loss of control when the relationship ends.

At times, the disgruntled party may use the court system as a weapon to perpetuate manipulation/control by litigating in bad faith, not following orders, or filing unnecessary motions.  These actions keep the other side emotionally invested in the broken relationship and unable to move forward towards a more healthy and stable relationship.

Violating court orders to strike back at a former loved ones is a terrible idea for many reasons.

Violating court orders immediately sours the presiding judge’s opinion towards your case, claims, and perceived reasonableness.   Failure to follow court orders is the quickest way to get hit with a spectrum of sanctions, including attorney fees.  Most importantly, in divorce and other family law issues, resistance to court orders is futile – and there are many avenues the court can take to enforce the orders, with or without one’s willingness and acceptance.  For instance, failure to follow child support orders can result in garnished wages, attorney fees, loss of one’s driver’s license, or even incarceration.

 

5.     Not providing court ordered info on time

 

Personally I’ve never been through a divorce, but I have been through the process of purchasing a home. One of the biggest hurdles of purchasing a home is the hassle of rounding up the necessary paperwork and documents to complete the process. Likewise, one of the biggest hurdles that I encounter with divorce is working with clients to provide the requested information – on time.

Often a disgruntled party will drag their feet on providing necessary documents such as bank statements, and assets/debts information.  Potentially this information is provided after the deadline.  Possibly bank statements/tax information is provided, but chunks of information is illegible, removed, or covered with black ink.

For any number of reasons, at times a party to the divorce does not want to provide documents that are necessary to complete the divorce.  There are many repercussions that can result from a failure to provide documents on time: (a) Court costs, (b) Sanctions for failing to provide the information, (c) Attorney fees being awarded to the other party, (d) Waiving one’s right to object to providing the documents, because the response was not made timely.

 

4.     Immediately moving out of the house

 

Most breakups involve a degree of hostility, anger, and resentment.  Living with a spouse or partner during and after the breakup process can be uncomfortable at best, and unbearable at worst. Nevertheless, immediately vacating the martial residence, creates a “status quo” where the parent remaining in the home with the children becomes the de facto “primary caregiver.”  This status quo can follow one’s case down-stream, in the event that the parties are unable to reach an amicable agreement on child custody and parental timesharing (i.e. Parenting Plan).

If maximum parents timesharing after the separation or divorce is your goal, then immediately become as heavily involved with the children as possible. The at of moving out of the marital residence — and potentially only seeing the children on weekends or less than desired – is planting a seed that can grow into an unwanted timesharing arrangement in the future.

 

3.     Talking to a child about the case

 

This is a big no-no with family law judges.  This element has the ability to irk judges into viewing one’s side through negative lenses, potentially altering the momentum in one’s case.

Talking with a child about a case forces the child to not only deal with adult concepts and situations, but also forces the child to effectively choose sides between which parent is right and wrong.  This right vs. wrong dichotomy then causes the child to associate one parent with being good or bad – causing unnecessary stress, tension, and conflict in the child’s life.

Talking with a child about one’s legal affairs also causes the child to ruminate and worry that they are the root cause of the problem – or to stress about ways to fix the underlying root issue.  This stress can blossom into developmental issues with the child and appropriate attachment with each parent.

 

2.     Alienating the other parent/keeping child from parent

 

This is a common problem with long term repercussions.  Particularly with infants and younger children, keeping a child from the other parent can create deep-seated bonding and attachment issues.  Infants and younger children need frequent and regular parental visitation with both parents to ensure that essential bonding and attachment takes root.

Developmental issues are not the only problems that parents face regarding alienation.  In the family law context, alienation is a rare instance where the presiding Judge has the ability to radically alter the time-sharing arrangement when alienation is demonstrated.  Judges have the ability to flip a time-sharing arrangement, potentially making the absent parent the primary custodian when alienation is established – in order to reunify the parties and promote essential bonding and attachment.

 

1. Offensive texts, harassment, or other acts of abuse

 

This issue affects almost every divorce and breakup, because every split generates a degree of tension, hostility, and negative emotions.  This negativity, in turn, can spill over into acts that arguably constitute “abuse.”

I cannot stress the importance of avoiding any act that could remotely constitute abusive behavior – harassment, insults, physical touching, stalking, etc.  These actions are routinely used as the basis for one party filing an Order of Protection that forces the other party out of the home – and can prevent contact and communication with one’s child until a hearing is held to determine if an act of abuse occurred. A hearing is required to be held within 10 days that the Petition is filed and a temporary restraining order is entered.  Nevertheless, routinely the hearing will be continued several times – for “good cause” — and one can go weeks without seeing one’s child.

I routinely advise individuals on the need to avoid anything that could be remotely classified as abusive behavior.  I advise to text an ex like every word that you write is being read by a presiding Judge.  I advise that every action and statement that you take is being recorded and will be proffered into evidence against your interests.

Despite these clear and unambiguous warnings, I routinely am told that an altercation occurred, and a restraining order has been entered that forces the person out of the home – or prevents any contact with one’s child until a hearing is held to address the claims.

 

(505) SANCHEZ IS HERE TO ANSWER ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT BEHAVIORS THAT HURT YOUR CHILD CUSTODY AND DIVORCE CASE IN ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO

 

Do you still have questions about behaviors that hurt your child custody and divorce case in Albuquerque, New Mexico? Custody and divorce case in Albuquerque often requires the experienced hand and knowledge that comes with years of courtroom practice.  Matthew Legan Sanchez has the experience needed to handle your unique case.  Sanchez can be reached by calling (505) SANCHEZ.